So I have a crush on my new co-worker, and I've been daydreaming about her a lot in the past couple of days. I noticed that with the daydreams soon came with some anxiety though. Of course, it's always been normal to feel nervousness when it comes to people one likes. However, a sort of warning came to me during one of my meditations, cautioning me about becoming too wrapped up in my fantasies.
Like I mentioned in a previous post, one of the things that I am working on with myself is to learn to become more present in the now. The insight that came to me during my meditation was about this aim of staying in the moment. I realized that fantasies can actually lead to further anxiety in the long run. This is because one of the traps of the mind is to use fantasy as a hook that drags one back to the habit of obsessive thinking. The obsessive thinking eventually leads to anxiety and depression.
When you are in the process of becoming more attentive of the now, you may already be alert to when fearful thoughts are arising. With this, when the slightest sign of anxiety arises, you at once know that it is time to put your focus on the present moment, thus, stopping the process of thinking at its onset. Mind you, to reach this level is a milestone. However, new levels will always pose new challenges. Now that you are alert to falling into the trap of fearful thoughts, the mind realizes that it needs to use a different weapon on you. It is actually a familiar weapon that does not seem like a threat at all. This weapon is fantasy.
What I mean by this is that the mind will now lure you back into the habit of thinking by showing you images of your desires. The mind utilizes daydreaming of what you desire to reel you back into thinking. The is very crafty. The mind knows that you are now guarded against fearful thoughts, so it will use what you are not afraid of. It will use the opposite,which are thoughts of things you long for. These are your fantasies of wealth, relationships, success, and so on. These don't appear threatening, but these will eventually lead to fear once again. At first, you begin to fantasize about, say, a new intimate relationship blossoming with one's crush (just like what's happening with me). Then, you get so wrapped up with all the pleasurable thoughts of the lovely encounters you could have with this person. The idea is so alluring that you start thinking of what you could do to make this all come true. You begin planning and strategizing. And then "what if" thoughts find their way into your ruminations. "What if she isn't interested?", "What if I mess up when I ask her out?", "What if this and that happens?", etcetera etcetera. Maybe after this, you move on to taking an inventory of all the qualities that you lack. Then, you start second-guessing yourself, and so on. The process of thinking continues and you eventually find yourself, once again, stuck in quicksand, sinking deeper and deeper. Without you realizing, you are flung out of the present moment, swept in a flurry of thoughts of past rejections and possible future rejections and mishaps. Now, your our vision is clouded and your footing is lost.
So today's insight is that pleasant thoughts are still thoughts. The goal is still to unlearn the habit of obsessive thinking and to become more capable of focusing and paying attention to the what's in the present. In this pursuit, fantasizing, albeit exhilirating and tempting, can be a hindrance. I will do my best to once again be present in this situation even if daydreaming is quite inviting. Let's see how this makes things better.
